3/4 cup loosely packed coffee grounds*
3.5 to 4 cups cold water
large French press
The night before you want said coffee, put the grounds in the French press. Add the water. Give it a stir with a NON-METAL** stirring tool, put the top on (but don’t plunge it), and wait at least 8 hours (I waited around 10 because that’s when I woke up). Next morning, prep a tall glass with ice. Hit the plunger, and pour out around 1/3 to 1/2 of the coffee. You MUST dilute this with water and/or milk unless you want to drink it like espresso. I usually do one part coffee, one part water, and one part almond milk. Drink this slowly and wait a few minutes before you have another one. I know it’s delicious and refreshing, but Natalie Dee describes this recipe as “pants-sh*ttingly caffeinated,” so drink at you and your heart’s own risk. Oh, wait, is it just me who has a sad, tiny bird heart that flutters near the edge of death whenever she has too much coffee? Womp womp.
*I used to be kind of a coffee snob when I drank coffee regularly. I’d buy a new 1/2 lb every week, grind my two tablespoons fresh daily, I only used one of Oren’s dark roasts, and I’d sneer at diner coffee. I don’t drink much coffee these days, so now I just use whatever’s in the house. Now, it’s some super-strong stuff my sister brought back from Malawi, but when I’m out, it might well be Folger’s.
**Otherwise, you’ll break your French press with excessive stirring, and IKEA’s kind of far away to go specifically just to buy another one.